Madcraftin

 Please submit reasons that you choose to stay alive each day Submission form I will update this blog post each time I get a submission. Every little reason is valid  waking up in the middle of the night and having a really cold drink of water finding a new show to binge  seeing the stars on a super clear night singing a song in the car and you lose your breathe because you are so excited and giddy while singing it vacations to places with blue ass water shaving your legs and putting on lotion then getting into bed with clean sheets watching your friend eat something sour taking a really enjoyable poop to be able to smell my favorite smells- like my boyfriend's house or lemons or cucumber melon from bath & body works To see how long they keep Grey's anatomy going for. And if there will be another spin-off. To walk down a street after it’s just rained, with the sky full of pinks, reds, and oranges that reflect off every surface, with the smell of freshwater renewing yo...

Disclaimer: I can only speak from my own experiences, everyone experiences medication differently, my experience is not the end all be all solution, it just happened to be so for me.  I do not talk about anxiety in this post because my life has been much more severely impacted by depression not anxiety The number of emotions that coursed through my body on December 26th, 2019 knowing that I was going to start anti-depressants is insurmountable.  I was terrified of the side effects listed on every pill bottle I felt guilty that I had come to this point where I couldn't help myself and I needed medication  I was excited that there was a chance I could be happy  I was jealous of the people who were born chemically balanced But most of all I was scared. The side effects were absolutely terrifying.  tremors  nausea  increased appetite loss of appetite weight gain loss of sexual desire fatigue  drowsiness  insomnia dry mouth  blurred vision co...

Disclaimer: This is all from my own experience, I cannot speak for everyone, I can only give advice and knowledge on what I have experienced. Also, I wanted to title this "holidays while chemically unbalanced" but Christmas and chemically - I had to go with the alliteration   The holidays are a stressful time for everyone. Making sure that you got enough presents for your friends & family, making sure your house looks nice and decorated and making sure that it was better than the year before. Because for some weird reason as humans we always try to one-up ourselves.  For someone with depression, this is the least of your concerns. While you are depressed you spend a lot of time in " survival mode"  this is the mentality that you just have to get through the day. Your main goal is to wake up and then go to bed. That is all that your brain can handle to process because staying alive is the only concern. And that in and of itself is tiring enough.  ( leave a co...

 Literally, wtf.  I think that sexuality & gender is one of the oddest subjects and one of the weirdest things created by society.  DISCLAIMER: these are all my own opinions and ideas. I can only give advice and provide information from my own experience It is such a freaky thing because sexuality is fluid, but everyone expects you to know everything about your future love life by the time you're 13 and if you even think about straying off that path, well then you were just doing it for attention.  MMMMMmmhhhh nah, it's just really confusing. There are so many labels and this is super nice because some people need labels to validate how they feel. But for me, IT'S JUST SO OVERWHELMING! I don't want to have to choose.   Speaking of labels, if someone ever says "why are there so many names, what do they even mean?" 1) sit them down and have a conversation because that right there is A GROWTH OPPORTUNITY. Labels can bring so much comfort to someone who may...

Step one: become extremely depressed for an entire calendar year.  Step two: yay BFFS Haha just kidding there are a few more steps in there. From my own experience I have gone from being very friend orientated and a big people person in high school - to - a very introverted queer artist. It all started in January of 2019  (well not all of it, but that would be a much longer post)  when I got turned down from something that I had surrounded my entire life for 6 years. That is where I had all my friends, all my summer memories, and literally, everything about me was from that place. But I guess it wasn’t meant to be.  I hate when people say everything happens for a reason. Because god damn it did not feel like that happened for a reason for months. And I still don’t think there was an overarching reason that it happened, but I think through difficult events in our lives we can create a reason that it happened, for comfort. Basically, I was devastated, I honestly think ...

"Just because someone else is in a full-body cast, doesn't mean that your broken wrist doesn't hurt." It is a tough quote to actually apply to your daily life, but it is something that should be noted. Everyone is entitled to their own suffering and pain. Just because someone has it so much worse than you doesn't mean that your pain isn't valid. During times like this through the Black Lives Matter movement, everyone is entitled to their own pain and suffering but the oppression of the Black community and other minorities is a completely different topic. White privilege is not saying that your life isn't hard. It just is a reminder that the color of your skin hasn't made your life any harder. For three years of my life that I can remember, it constantly felt as though I was wearing drunk goggles and I was watching someone else live my life for me. I felt out of control and just out of touch. It also felt like, everything around me was going at a normal...