Christmas While Chemically Imbalanced
The holidays are a stressful time for everyone. Making sure that you got enough presents for your friends & family, making sure your house looks nice and decorated and making sure that it was better than the year before. Because for some weird reason as humans we always try to one-up ourselves.
For someone with depression, this is the least of your concerns. While you are depressed you spend a lot of time in "survival mode" this is the mentality that you just have to get through the day. Your main goal is to wake up and then go to bed. That is all that your brain can handle to process because staying alive is the only concern. And that in and of itself is tiring enough.
(leave a comment below if you would like another post about survival mode on its own)
Guilt is a huge side effect of depression. From my own experience, I would feel so bad if I brought the mood of a place down because of my depression. If I was at a holiday party and I presented how I felt on the inside, I don't think I would ever be invited back to a holiday party.
By putting up this brave face that you are okay, you are exhausted by the end of the day. This then leads to sleeping a lot, spending time alone, and multitudes of other symptoms - that usually (if the depression did their job right) makes you feel like shit.
The holidays are expected to be this joyous and unreasonably happy time, but when you are not wired to experience this type of joy. It is really tough to watch other people and be expected to feel the same way.
As someone who has gone through their fair share of chemically imbalanced Christmases, I want to share some of my tips that have gotten me through this week.
- Take time to yourself - Being lonely sucks and being alone with your brain is even scarier. But during the holidays you need to have some time to decompress and process everything around you.
- If you can, tell someone - being depressed is such an isolating feeling because it is a feeling that as much as you want someone to understand what you are going through you never want someone to fully know what goes on in your head.
- Know that it is only a week or two - the holidays have a way of feeling like an eternity, and if you have a family that decorates after Halloween, then yes. It is an eternity. But in all seriousness, it is a span of 10 days. If you can make it through those 10 days, you will be okay.
- Try to not set New Year's Resolutions - for me, New Year's resolutions are really not my thing. This past year of 2020, I have accomplished so much more than I had ever even thought was possible. If I would've set benchmarks for myself to meet, I wouldn't have been able to appreciate all the little things along the way to these milestones.
- if you need NYR to start 2021 on the right foot, forget everything you just read. I can only speak from my own experience. Take what you need from this post.
- Try your best to not post on social media - this is only really applicable in some situations. I know that in the past I would post on social media so I could get that short-lived boost of happy feelings when someone liked it or commented that they thought I was pretty. Do not pressure yourself to present some sort of happiness if you aren't truly feeling it.
2019 Madison going into 2020 is not even remotely close to the Madison going into 2021. You can make it. You can do it. And if you need someone to talk to because your depression is being mean, please reach out to me. My email is madisondier@yahoo.com and is always open. I check it every day.
You are not alone and you will make it to 2021.
Stay crafty & talk about your feelings - Mads♡
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